Tampon Remover
by Hot-Gothics
Summary: A small party, drunk friends, and jokes. Ichigo has a small fantasy. Horrid summery Sorry. GrimmIchi, IkkaYumi, ByakuRen, & ShuuIzu


This is absolutely…the weirdest thing I have ever written. You'll most likely be confused about the name until you get close to the end. Have fun ^-^

Tampon Remover

Ring!

Renji answered the door, grinning as he saw his best friend standing on the porch. He quickly hugged his friend and ushered him in the house, giving a curt nod to his teal-haired boyfriend that entered behind him. They walked in the direction of the loud laughter and rock music down the hall. Renji opened the door to reveal Byakuya, Shuuhei, Izuru, Ikkaku, and Yumichika. Ikkaku raised his arm, waving at the three.

"Hey, Ichi! 'Bout time you got here!" Ikkaku boasted. Yumichika took another sip of his beer, smiling at them before going back to lounging next to the bald man. Renji walked across the room and sat on the floor between Byakuya's spread legs. Said man just smirked.

"Sorry guys. Grimmjow had to drop Ulquiorra off at Hanatarou's house." Grimmjow wrapped his arms around Ichigo's waist, setting his chin on the teen's right shoulder. Izuru waved at them, blushing slightly from his buzz. Shuuhei, whom was sitting next to the blushing blond, waved too.

Ichigo unhooked Grimmjow's arms from around his waist and walked over to the small couch that was by the wall. Grimmjow followed him, and even though Ichigo got there first, the teal-haired man ended up having the teenager sitting in his lap. He grinned, loving that he always got his way.

"So let's get this party started!" Renji chimed, throwing two bottles of beer over to Ichigo. The strawberry looked down at them, pouting. "What's wrong, Ichigo?" He looked back over at his friend.

"Beer is dear, but liquor is quicker!" He half-sang out. Grimmjow snickered, opening up his bottle. He had told him that on their second date. Renji laughed.

"We'll get the stronger stuff out later. For now we're just going to start off with these."

"So Renji, what the plan for tonight? You've got the four most well known gay couples in school here, excluding Ulquiorra and Hanatarou. What were you planning?" Renji's eye twitched at Ikkaku's blunt exclamation.

"Well…first, that's just coincidence, and second, I just wanted to have a party. Sheesh." Byakuya raised an eyebrow at the last statement. He quickly closed a hand over Renji's mouth, preventing him from saying something stupid, and looked over at Ikkaku.

"Let's play a game. Any suggestions?" Ikkaku grinned.

"Drinking games!" He chimed. Renji pulled Byakuya's hand off of his mouth.

"No way! Start off with something else. That's for when we get the good stuff out!" Renji barked. He looked over at Ichigo, hoping that his friend could think of something.

"Uhm…" Ichigo stared, thinking. "How about dares?" Grimmjow grinned.

"Okay, I go first. Ichigo-…" Ichigo slapped a hand over his boyfriend's mouth before he could say anything more.

"I think the host should go first, and that you can only dare someone from another couple." He glared at Grimmjow with his last sentence, knowing full well that if Grimmjow could make Ichigo do something…he wouldn't be able to show his face at school for a month. Renji nodded, liking the sound of those rules.

"Okay, but I'm adding two more rules to that. One, no sexual dares." A few groans could be heard throughout the room, followed by grunts of pain at their boyfriends hitting them upside the head. "And two, you can collaborate with your partner for the dares." Ichigo and Yumichika smiled, grinning at their boyfriends, who grinned back. Everyone nodded their approval of the rules and waited for Byakuya and Renji to stop whispering and dare someone.

"Okay," Renji started. "Izuru. I dare you to switch shirts with Shuuhei." Izuru immediately flushed. Shuuhei rolled his eyes, already grabbing for the bottom of his shirt. "No, no, no. Izuru has to take your shirt of too, Shuuhei." Shuuhei stopped, smirked, and leaned back, supporting himself with his arms behind him. Izuru flushed even more.

The blond shakily reached the hem of his shirt and pulled upwards and turning towards Shuuhei. He got his shirt off, setting it next to his boyfriend and hesitated, staring at the bottom of Shuuhei's shirt. Shuuhei smiled at the blush on Izuru's face and gently grabbed his hand, leading it to the hem of his shirt. Izuru started pulling Shuuhei's shirt up, blushing more as Shuuhei's chest was revealed. Shuuhei smirked and leaned forward, helping take the shirt off before placing a chaste kiss on Izuru's trembling bottom lip.

He thrust the black material into Izuru's hands, and watched, amused, as Izuru's head popped out the neck opening. The shirt was, at least, two sizes too large for him. He stared down at Izuru's shirt, contemplating on if he wanted to put it on. It would definitely be too tight on him. He looked over to Renji, noticing the slight pink tinting of the redhead's cheeks.

"Hey, can I just leave mine off? Izuru can fit easily into my stuff because he's smaller than me, but it's not so easy the other way around." Renji stared for a second then laughed.

"Sure, why not? Izuru. It's your turn." Izuru looked back over at his shirtless boyfriend, silently asking him to do the dare for him. Shuuhei wrapped an arm around his shoulders, bringing him close to his side so that they could think of something. While they whispered Grimmjow silently begged for a dare to either him or Ichigo. Shuuhei smiled, kissing Izuru lightly on the forehead before looking over to Yumichika.

"Yumi! We dare you to give Ikkaku a lap dance!" Yumichika laughed while Ikkaku grinned.

The raven shrugged, setting his drink down on the table next to him while Renji picked up the remote for the stereo. The song changed to something with a more erotic beat to it. Yumichika smiled, waiting for the song to pick up before standing in between Ikkaku's spread legs. Ikkaku grinned up at him.

Yumichika rolled his hips to the beat, placing his hands on Ikkaku's shoulders and sitting on his knee. Ikkaku ran his hands up Yumichika's sides, earning a soft moan from the raven. Yumichika rocked back and forth on Ikkaku's leg, swinging the other leg over Ikkaku's to sit directly in his lap. Ikkaku growled as Yumichika ground against him, the raven's hands traveling down his shirt hungrily.

Yumichika smirked, opening his mouth to moan tantalizingly at his boyfriend before licking his lips. He ground against him again, moving one hand back to the bald man's shoulder, wrapping it around his neck. Ikkaku thrust his hips upward, making the raven gasp. Yumichika scooted closer, his lips close to Ikkaku's. Ikkaku was about to ravish him…when the song stopped.

Yumichika used his hand that was still on Ikkaku's chest to push him off the other's lap. Ikkaku glared off to the side, pissed at the stereo. Yumichika fixed his hair as Ikkaku fumed. Renji cleared his throat.

"Wow, Yumi…just, wow…" Renji scooted back into Byakuya, crossing his legs. Yumichika smiled at him sweetly before grinning wickedly at Grimmjow. Grimmjow grinned back.

"Okay, Grimmjow. I know you wanted a dare to come your way, so here you go. I dare you to…" He paused, cursing under his breath. "Awe, damn…I can't do that one, now can I?" Ikkaku leaned over.

"What were you going to dare?"

"Doesn't matter, Renji said no sexual stuff…" He pouted, earning a lick to his cheek from Ikkaku. They whispered for a few minutes, giggling and looking over to the fuming teal-haired man on the couch. Ichigo shifted uncomfortably, knowing that they were thinking of something to embarrass him.

The strawberry looked down at the floor where Shuuhei was fanning a flushed Izuru in his lap with a magazine he found. Izuru had passed out in the middle of Yumichika's dance. He really wasn't built for parties like this. Ichigo took another gulp of beer, tempted to snicker at his growling boyfriend behind him.

"Okay! We've got one!" His attention was turned back to the grinning couple across the room. "We dare Grimmjow to not tackle Ichigo while Ichigo tries to seduce him!" Ichigo's eyes widened, his boyfriend behind him kissed the back of his neck. Grimmjow took Ichigo's bottle and placed it next to his on the side table.

"Is there a time limit? Because if there isn't then Grimm is just going to drag me into the other room." Ichigo asked, exasperated. Yumichika smiled.

"Of course there is. When Grimmjow jumps you, then we pull you two apart." Ichigo paled, hearing Grimmjow mutter, 'If you can' behind him. He knew full well that Grimmjow would fuck him out in public if he had to. Renji snickered from across the room, giving a high-five to Ikkaku as he grabbed the remote to the stereo.

Ichigo got out of Grimmjow's lap, standing in front of him. Grimmjow just grinned up at him, receiving a half-hearted glare. Renji had changed the song to "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake. How he had that song, Ichigo didn't even want to know. He was too focused on Grimmjow's hands on his ass to care.

"C'mon, Ichi. I'm waiting." Grimmjow purred, sending shivers up Ichigo's spine. Ichigo pushed back on Grimmjow's shoulder, making him lie back on the couch. The teen straddled him, grounding against his hips and moaning at the action. He slithered up Grimmjow's body and licked the man's collarbone.

Ichigo kissed up Grimmjow's jaw, connecting their lips. Grimmjow licked at his lip and Ichigo gladly opened his mouth for him to slide his tongue in. Grimmjow slid his hands up Ichigo's thighs, making the teen gasp into his lips. Ichigo moved his lips to Grimmjow's ear, licking at the earlobe before biting it lightly and working it between his teeth.

"God, Grimm…" He whispered, breathily. "I wish we weren't at a party…" Grimmjow growled, squeezing Ichigo's round ass, and smirked at the soft gasp. "I want you to fuck me so badly…so hard, into this couch, Grimmjow…" Ichigo moaned out Grimmjow's name and rocked his hips.

Grimmjow growled again, flipping them over on the couch and attacking Ichigo's neck, his hand already traveling under the teen's shirt and up his chest. Ichigo moaned, forgetting about the others until Grimmjow cursed under his breath and his weight was lifted from the teen's body. Ichigo sat up, dazed. He looked over to his boyfriend to find Renji and Shuuhei holding onto each of his arms, Ikkaku was laughing his ass off at Grimmjow's expression.

Ichigo reached his arms out, wrapping them around Grimmjow's neck, and connected their lips. Renji and Shuuhei shrugged, letting go of Grimmjow's arms, which immediately wrapped around Ichigo's waist. Grimmjow stepped up to the edge of the couch so that Ichigo wasn't leaning just to get to him.

He was about to start stripping the teen, but he remembered everyone else in to room and stopped his arm, mid-action, and lowered Ichigo's shirt back down, stepping away from the kiss. Ichigo whimpered, eliciting a snicker from his boyfriend. Grimmjow situated them back into how they were sitting before, only with his arms wrapped around Ichigo's waist and his lips at the teen's ear.

"W-we have to think of something for Renji and Byakuya now, don't we?" Ichigo whispered, turning his face towards Grimmjow's. Grimmjow smirked, nuzzling Ichigo's flushed cheek.

"I doubt they can top your little act. But yeah, we do." Ichigo blushed even more.

While Grimmjow and Ichigo whispered, Renji sat back down in between Byakuya's legs. Byakuya leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Renji's chest.

"After their little act I'm kind of scared of what they'll do to us." Renji felt Byakuya shrug.

"I don't know. I'm looking forward to it." He purred his last sentence into Renji's ear, making the redhead blush furiously.

"Hey! Stop getting all cozy. We've got a dare thought up for you two." Grimmjow's voice boomed, drawing their attention. "Okay. So there's no way you can top Ichi," Said teen flushed. "So we've thought up something on a whole different scale for you guys. Byakuya, the dare is…" The whole room went silent.

"Hey guys! We're out of beer! Time for drinking games!" Ikkaku clanked a couple bottles of liquor on the table in the middle of the room and sat down, throwing his arm around Yumichika and laughing. Renji, seeing it as a way to get out of whatever the dare was going to be, picked up a bottle of tequila and took a swig, passing it to Byakuya. Grimmjow groaned, but smiled as Ichigo picked up a fuzzy navel. He nuzzled the teen's neck.

"You're so cute…"

*************Hot-Gothics*************

The clock read 1:42am. Everyone was drunk off their asses. Izuru was now lying in Shuuhei's lap, asleep, on the couch. Grimmjow and Ichigo were lying down on the floor, taking turns from their own bottle of tequila and listening to Renji talk about how he had come across a talking dildo on the road one day.

"Hey guys! You wanna hear the best knock-knock joke ever?" Shuuhei laughed out, turning to Renji. Renji nodded. "Okay, Renji, you start." Renji sat up from his former position in Byakuya's lap and looked straight at Shuuhei.

"Knock, knock." Shuuhei grinned.

"Who's there?" Renji blinked, confused.

"I don't know…it's your joke." Shuuhei burst into laughter followed by the redhead. Ikkaku laughed too, grabbing at his fourth bottle of tequila, Yumichika was already snoozing in his lap.

"Hey guys. You wanna hear a really horrible joke?" Renji, Grimmjow, and Ichigo nodded while Shuuhei went back to stroking Izuru's hair. "Okay. So this guy is at a gas station, right? And he really needs to use the bathroom. But the line for the men's bathroom is too long. He notices that there is no line for the women's bathroom and asks the manager if he could go in there. The manager says yes, but don't press any buttons." Ichigo paid more attention as Ikkaku set his bottle down to tell the rest of the joke.

"So the guy goes into the bathroom and gets onto the pot to take a crap, right? He sees these buttons to the left of him. He shrugs off what the manager said and presses the first button. Some water comes out of the toilet and rinses off his ass. He thinks, 'Oh…well, that was interesting. I wonder what the other buttons do.' So he presses the second button. Some powder comes up and pats his bum. He presses the third button, screams, and blacks out. Do you wanna know what happened?" Renji and Grimmjow cheered for him to keep going, Ichigo just waited and listened.

"He wakes up two days later in the emergency room. He asks the nurse what happened to him and she says that he had pressed the button for the automatic tampon remover." After a moment of silence Renji, Ikkaku, and Grimmjow burst into laughter. Byakuya even snickered from behind Renji, this caught Renji's attention and he turned around and tackled Byakuya to the ground, attacking his lips.

Grimmjow kept laughing and Ichigo had a thought. 'What if there were really toilets out there like that?'

[A/n: enter fuzzy daydream sequence]

Ichigo entered the bathroom, opening up the first stall. He locked it before sliding his pants down and sitting on the porcelain seat. There was a sign on the door in front of him.

-PRESS BUTTON FOR KEYPAD TO APPEAR-

Ichigo arched his eyebrow and looked to the left of him. There was a blue button under his eye level. Above it was a small sign.

-HAVE FUN-

He rolled his eyes and pushed the blue circle. The floor started moving, tiles opening up to reveal a keypad. The keypad elevated to just above his knees. He looked at it, curiously, his eyes widening as he read the button captions. After a few minutes of deliberation he decided to go ahead and try out this toilet. Grimmjow was on vacation anyways.

He pressed the 'start' button and gasped as he felt something cold, wet, and stiff enter him. He'd already gotten used to it from Grimmjow and pressed 'add another'. Sure enough another one was added. It didn't feel like metal, though. It felt like stiff fingers, soft and flexible, but still cold.

He gasped, arching, as the machine found his prostate. A button on the keypad lit up, he pressed it. Immediately the probes rubbed against his prostate, almost human like. He grabbed onto the keypad, moaning and gasping in pleasure, and quickly pressed the 'add another' button. Another entered and joined the other two in thrusting and massaging his prostate slowly. He pressed the 'ready' button, wondering what could possibly be better than that.

The probes left and he groaned as the empty feeling came into his gut. Soon enough, though, they were replaced by, what felt like, a hot, wet dildo. It was fleshy and there was a definite 'head'. He gasped loudly, noticing that he was being lifted off the toilet seat. Another button lit up, 'restraints'. He pressed it and gasped as flexi straps wrapped around his thighs and waist, holding him to the toilet as the dildo entered him.

It slid all the way in. He could feel the base of the dildo. He pressed 'move' and immediately moaned as it thrust lightly into his prostate, keeping the pace perfectly. Apparently the button that lit up earlier was to pinpoint that spot. He moaned again as it kept thrusting into his prostate. He envisioned Grimmjow and automatically moaned just from the thought.

He laid his finger on the 'harder' and 'faster' buttons and pressed them, moaning louder as the machine picked up. It slid out and rammed into his prostate. He pressed 'harder' once more, accidentally pressed the button under it, and screamed in ecstasy. He had hit the vibration button.

"Oh god…" He breathed. He laid his arm across the edge of the keypad, setting his forehead on it, and started pumping himself. Visions of Grimmjow filled his head once more and he screamed again, calling his boyfriend's name. His breath hitched as the heat inside him grew. He was close.

He pressed the last button and came, screaming, as the vibrating dildo grinded into his prostate. Immediately the dildo, straps, and keypad disappeared and he was back at Renji's house, Grimmjow whispering into his ear.

"Are you okay, Ichi?" Ichigo nodded, getting up and pulling at Grimmjow's wrist, pulling him towards the exit and to the car.

"We got to go." He growled. Grimmjow interlaced his fingers with Ichigo's and leaned over to him.

"Why?" Ichigo spun on his heel, grabbing the back of Grimmjow's head and smashing their lips together.

"Now." He growled. Grimmjow just grinned.

Okay…I know it…I have problems…((Exactly what I was thinking the whole time I was writing that 'daydream'))

(1) If you don't know what a Fuzzy Navel is -- It's basically orange juice with 10% alcohol in it. A pretty fruity/girly drink. That's why Grimmjow said he was "too cute".

And yes. I know that this was just…WEIRD…but it came to me…and I just had to write it down…I have problems!!!


End file.
